I hate it here. My brain thinks that you meet, you are instantly in love, you evolve together. Boom, a successful relationship. That’s how it happens in the movies. Why can’t I have that?! Girl, bye.
I’m blaming social media. The popularity of “getting to know you” online has taken the place of coffee dates and late-night phone calls. Text messaging has taken the place of love letters. FaceTime has taken the place of actual face time. Netflix and chill has led to taking things too fast and not really getting to know one another before you get to know one another.
WYD and other annoying shorthand messages makes us not even want to respond to you. Real talk. Do you know proper English? This isn’t attractive. We don’t want this. I don’t want this. I want to be mentally stimulated. What are you reading? Can you read? That’s a valid question these days.
So, what’s the problem?
Men are stupid. There. End of blog post.
Okay, okay, not all men are stupid. And I imagine that men who are really trying to date could make their own list of issues. No one should be making a list without first acknowledging what they need to work on themselves. I’ve done that and have discovered that I’m pretty close to perfect (joke).
I used to say that communication is essential for any relationship to be successful. This year I have learned – through a few failed attempts at dating – that it is not only an issue of communication, it’s an issue of COMPREHENSION. I can talk to you all day and let you know what I need for a situation to work, but if your brain does not process and understand this, all my talking is useless. It’s a waste of breath. I have asthma, I need all my breath.
I have tried online, randomly meeting men at Target, and have even allowed a few friend introductions. All with the same results. Men that are not ready for what they say they are ready for, men that don’t know what they are ready for, men that listen to hear but not to comprehend, men that can’t comprehend or communicate efficiently, men that are liars, men that think they can’t love you until you have sex with them, or men that say they want more than casual sex but they try to immediately have sex with you and then they ghost you when you won’t put out. I should say boys. I’ve dated a lot of grown boys.
For anyone dating, here are a few tips that will hopefully make it successful for you:
- End "old" relationships before starting a new one.
- If you are serious about dating, make it a priority.
- Make your intentions clear. Are you openly dating multiple people? Are you hoping for a relationship? Marriage?
- It shouldn’t be one-sided. Both parties should feel pursued. The interest should be mutual. Men, take the lead though.
- If you are not interested in a person, don’t lead them to believe you are.
- Be honest. It’s simple. Stop lying – to other people and yourself.
- Be consistent.
- Make time. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. It’s all a matter of how you choose to use it. We’re all busy. You make time for the things that are important to you.
- Listen. Comprehend. If you don’t understand, ask questions for clarity. Don’t assume.
- Learn what it is that YOU need. Then learn what it is that your prospective partner needs. Does it match?
- Be happy with yourself first. A relationship will not make an unhappy person happy. Depending on someone else for your happiness is selfish.
- Know that dating does not have to always be expensive. Find some free or cheap things to do. Google it for your city. I bet someone has already made a list.
- Date silently. I mean, tell someone when you’re going out - to be safe. Facebook doesn’t need to know EVERYTHING about your dating life. Don’t be so quick to change that relationship status.
- Make sure you are clean. Inside and out. Interpret it as you may.
I’ve taken a deep dive into 90 Day Fiancé and Married at First Sight. This has really opened my eyes. Don’t let someone tell you your requirements are unreasonable. A broke man legit financed 2 bulls to get the okay to marry his wife. Know your worth and then add tax!
I think we can bring dating back. It’s not dead, but it’s definitely on life support.