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New School Dating

How many single readers do I have? Are you struggling with dating? No? Good for you! Yes? Why is it so hard?! Sigh.

Well, I have several thoughts on that last part. Mostly, I'm glad that it is not just ME that dating is so hard for.

Online Dating - Dating sites specifically.

Y'all, I signed up for online dating and almost instantly regretted it! I paid for a month and cancelled my subscription after two weeks. What are you really here for? Who sent you? Those are the questions I wanted to ask most of the guys that messaged me. Mostly they just lurked on my profile. Like, don't you know these sites tell me when you view my profile? I can see it. Why aren't you saying anything? Do I have a boob hanging out in one of my pictures? Phew, no I don't. Sigh. So yeah, that got nowhere. I'm impatient, I know, but online is not for me. Clearly it works for some people though. I find that if you will lie about the simple things, it will be impossible for me to trust you with the bigger things. Don't lie about smoking and drinking. Especially if I can smell it on you on our first date. I'm a certified verifier. That means receipts matter, I'm going to double-check for the both of us. Double sigh.

Social Media's influence (and etiquette?).

I feel like we shouldn't have to talk about this, but we do. Ok, let's say you are already somehow connected on social media and you are digging each other. One person slides in the other's DMs and things seem cool. You chat it up, exchange numbers and eventually go out. This is where things get tricky for me. My social media exposes a LOT of my personal life. More than it should, honestly. And yes we were already "friends" but now are you going to think everything I post is about you? Are you going to get upset if I don't say "good morning" to you but I make a Facebook post? Am I going to get annoyed because you are posting subliminal messages about something we talked about in private? So maybe we should "unfriend" if we start dating and evaluate the situationship as it progresses. Maybe that way, if things don't work out, we don't have to worry about unfriending each other. I truly believe that social media has taken what I feel is proper communication out of dating and getting to know someone. Does a Facebook post make up for a phone call? NO! How do we get around this? I feel like social media is a great place to meet people who share interests, but it also has too much power. I've seen marriages and friendships end over something posted on social media. These postings can often be taken out of context and create unnecessary turmoil. Triple sigh.

I was told that I was a horrible communicator by someone I recently dated and I agreed. I worked on it though because I felt that was an easy enough barrier to remove. It still didn't work out...though.

Requirements, Demands and Expectations. You can make it, but can you take it?

My personal feeling is that you should not have a demand or requirement of someone that you yourself are unable/unwilling to fulfill. Don't expect me to be Wonder Woman when you out here being Frank Gallagher (look it up). I mean seriously. I'm good at many things. Does that mean I want to do ALL of them ALL the time? No. I can't have a requirement that you make 10 figures and I don't even have a job. Be the person that you want to attract. Preferences are different to me. I prefer taller men. I've been called everything from shallow to superficial for this. And I really don't care. I like what I like. That isn't my only preference, but it is one that is important to me and I don't make apologies for that (this is also what my friends all talk trash to me about...to be clear shorter - than me - guys rarely approach me). Am I unwilling to date someone shorter? It depends on how short he is. Period.

Expectations should also be clearly defined. Are men supposed to pay for all the dates? If you pay, do I tip? What is so wrong with going Dutch? If you take me on a few dates are you going to act like I OWE you something? If we are just casually dating (we may or may not be seeing other people), is it feasible to think that we will talk every day, several times a day? What if I want to talk to you more than you want to talk to me? And vice versa? How often is too often to see each other if we are casual?

Intentions. What is it that you want?

I. Am. Seeking. My. Husband. I want to get married. What are you seeking? Are you just looking for a hookup? Tell me so I can point you in another direction. Don't get me wrong, I know that sometimes there can be a shift and things might turn out the way you hope. Some of the most beautiful relationships I know blossomed from friendship. But if you meet someone and tell them that you are seeking marriage and all they are seeking is a one night stand, why waste each other's time? I'm not in the business of trying to change anyone. You know what you want with someone when you meet them. So just be honest! You might be surprised.

Speaking of Honesty...

You ain't got to lie Craig! You ain't got to lie! Not necessarily on the first date, but we definitely need to talk about any shakiness in either of our pasts. I mean, if you have diabetes and pass out I need to know what to do. If I accidentally feed you shellfish and you're allergic, where is your EpiPen? So it's not purely because I'm nosey. But I DO like to know what I'm getting myself into. I know that some stuff might scare people off and you want the person to get to know you, not who you were in the past...but if you are trying to hide things and not being honest, you are already off to a bad start.So timing is key. Be honest about your health, your status, your kids and your intentions. Quit trying to hide stuff and you know if you get in deep it's going to surface. Okay?

Everybody Knows Everybody.

My city is small. It seems like everybody here knows everybody. Then that social media factor gets thrown in there and sheesh! I don't have much to say about this. If you want to date someone that no one you know has dated, try a different city, that won't be a guarantee either though. I don't know. Everybody in Columbia seems to know everybody. Period. I have yet to meet someone that doesn't know at least one person that I know.

Maybe I need to do a part two on dating? I feel like I have so much more to say. I hope that if you are out in the dating world, you don't have as many issues and I seem to have. I am doing a lot of self evaluation to make sure I'm not scaring people off or being so unrealistic that I'm self-sabotaging. Somebody told me my glasses were intimidating and to me, that was a personal problem of his. I mean, I need these babies because I can't see, not because I'm trying to "look smart." As you go along, you will make adjustments and figure out what works for you. For me, randomly bumping into someone at Target has yet to work, so maybe I need to switch to Walmart (jokes).

I wish you all happiness and joyful love!

XOXO
RoJo

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