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You're Not Human Without Fears

36 Weeks Pregnant

Every fear I could ever imagine has come to surface. I am mostly excited. But I'm also very scared. God is putting me in charge of somebody else's life. That's some scary ish. I know that ultimately we will be fine.

When I say I'm scared, most people think that I'm referring to delivering. I'm not scared of delivering. I look forward to it and I've served this little lady with her 30 day eviction notice. She has to get out!

Poor Little Fox Tattoo LOL
I've been pretty calm throughout my entire pregnancy. Even when people think I should flip out - I didn't. Sure there have been a few incidents here and there...the worst being the airport fiasco, but overall I've been pretty level-headed and not all that emotional. I've accepted my situation for exactly what it is. But it is scary. Although I was raised in a single parent home, I didn't want that for my kid. But it is what it is and that is something I have no control over.

I was talking to one of my nearest and dearest yesterday and she said something to me that has since been stuck in my head. She said "this is not the time for you to be superwoman." Yes I am super and yes I am a woman. But now I fully realize that I will need help. The fact that I have about 12 nieces and nephews means absolutely nothing. They aren't my kids and I've never been charged with caring for anybody other than myself around the clock. She basically was telling me to accept help that is offered and to not be too bull-headed to ask for help when I need it. That's something I don't often do. Ask for help. I'm used to handling everything on my own. In her head she envisioned me driving myself to the hospital and trying to drive me and baby home. I had no plans of doing this...

At the present I'm home alone when I'm home. I have a few friends in a stone's throw distance so I figured if I went into labor I would just call one of them to come and get me since they are geographically closer to me than most of my family...then one of my family members could go get my car (that is already loaded with the car seat) and drive us home. I'm still working full days so if I happened to go in labor here, I'm seriously in walking distance to the hospital -- not that I would walk. I guess it would be easier for me to go and stay with someone for these last couple of weeks, but I really want to stay home in my own comfort zone.

The time has flown by...and I think I'm a little shell-shocked that I'm actually about to be somebody's mommy! I'm going to the doctor every week now. Last week, I was dilated 1cm and 50% effaced. I know this doesn't mean much and I could be at 1cm forever. But that made everything so much more real. I thought I would somehow feel when this process started but I don't know what I expected to feel LOL. I haven't felt any Braxton Hicks or anything.

My main goal now is to stay healthy and not stress myself out...gotta keep this blood pressure under control! I salute all the mommies and daddies...especially those that have more than one child! You guys are rockstars to me!

I'll update you guys after my appointment tomorrow. Have a great one!



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